


just you and me (and myself and i)

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Series: Whumptober 2020 [16]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Mentioned Reginald Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy Deserves Better, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy is So Done, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Season/Series 02 Spoilers, The Sparrow Academy (Umbrella Academy), They also deserve better tho, Time travel bs that I make up, five has had a long two weeks, the show doesn't care so neither do I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27166898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: Day 23: ExhaustionHow to cope after your dad met you in the past and disliked you all so much that he unadopted you (and also did some other garbage things)By the Hargreeves
Series: Whumptober 2020 [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947877
Comments: 42
Kudos: 272
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	just you and me (and myself and i)

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly there are so many ways I want the sparrow academy to go down and this is just a teaspoon from the lake so idk

The Sparrow Academy was strange. After their face off, Klaus had cracked inappropriate jokes, an actual _cube_ had threatened them (Diego had almost got into a fistfight with it or him?), and Ben-but-not-Ben had cooled things down. Klaus had called him emo Ben, unfortunately, and that fragile peace had almost broken. Only Reginald’s stern gaze had cowed them all, except possibly Five who was too fucking tired to care about the disapproval of their dead but now not dead father.

He had firmly told them all to disperse and, after a thorough lecture, the former Umbrella Academy found themselves outside on the steps of their not-home, a sparrow etched on the door. 

It was raining too, which just made everything so much better. 

Five sighed, and Klaus muttered, “Sure would be nice if we had an umbrella, now wouldn’t it.” 

Allison snorted and Diego choked on a laugh. Even Luther giggled, Vanya snickering behind him. Five’s lips quirked upwards. So they might not exist, so they might not have been raised by Reginald, but it was April 2nd, 2019, and the world was safe. 

Five’s smile grew, uncaring of the rain- fresh and clear and _clean_ , his family surrounding him. At least until Klaus pointed, “Oh, holy _shit_! He’s smiling!” 

Five dropped his smile immediately, narrowing his eyes at Klaus and retorting petulantly, “I was _not_.”

Allison shrugged, grinning, “I’m sorry, Five, but we all saw it.” 

Five crossed his arms, starting down the sidewalk, “Ridiculous.” 

He vanished and Vanya yelped, “Wait, Five!” 

Klaus clapped his hands over his mouth, “Oh shit, we’ve finally done it, he’s left us again.” 

Vanya slapped his shoulder, “Not funny, Klaus.”

Diego snorted, “We can only hope.”

That was when Five chose to reappear, holding out a black umbrella, slick and shiny, “Look what I found.” 

Allison put her hands on her hips, “Five! Where did you get that?” 

He gave her a shit eating grin, “Stole it.” He flicked it open, shaking the rain off of it and holding it over himself. Klaus moved to duck under it, but Five stopped him with a glare, “You can’t come in.” 

Klaus gasped, hurt, “You can’t revoke my umbrella privileges!”

Luther huffed, “Well, all of our umbrella privileges have been revoked, if you think about it.” It wasn’t long before they all dissolved into giggles again, possibly with a small amount of hysteria to them. 

Five shook his head as he passed the umbrella to Luther, who was able to hold it over most of them, “Let’s get out of here, before the old man changes his mind and takes us back.” 

Klaus choked. 

The Umbrella Academy turned to leave and depart the childhood home that was no longer theirs, when there was a shout, “Wait!” 

The group paused and Five rolled his eyes as they turned, one of the sparrow academy members running after them. 

He was long and gangly, nearly as tall as Luther with brown hair and sharp blue eyes. He slowed as he saw them, straightening under the combined weight of their gazes. If memory served, he had stayed in the back during the confrontation, watching, waiting… and he hadn’t said a single word to them. 

Now, he stood before them, something almost familiar about him, “Excuse me. If I could have a moment of your time.” 

Klaus raised an eyebrow, “Uh, yeah, no can do. Tell dad if he wants us back, he should’ve at least sent someone we liked. Like Mom.” 

The man paused, almost distasteful, “...I’ll keep that in mind.”

Allison nudged Klaus, “Which one are you? I don’t believe we caught your name.” 

He shrugged, “I don’t have a name. I’m just Number Five.”

The group froze. Klaus laughed nervously, “That’s… odd. Why don’t- why don’t you have a name?” 

Five had frozen, eyes widening. The sparrow’s eyes drifted to their youngest member, “I think you already know.”

Luther gaped, “Wait, _no-_ ”

Diego shook his head, “Hang on you can’t be-“ 

Number Five nodded, “I believe I am the parallel of your Five. I merely had some questions to ask, for example, why are you so young-“ 

Luther spluttered, “Wait, wait! This can’t be right!” 

They looked at him, Allison asking carefully, “Why are you so sure, Luther? I mean, it could be. He… looks like Five if he were older.” 

Luther shook his head, “But I _saw_ Five older. Remember? I saw Five when he was fifty-eight. He was- he was _short!_ He barely gets any taller than he is now!” 

Klaus winced, “Ooo, ouch, little Number Five, that’s gotta suck.” 

Five, their Five, glared up at Klaus, as Luther continued, spluttering, “So it couldn’t- it couldn’t be Five. Besides, then we’d have paradox psychosis, but he’s fine! So I don’t- it _couldn’t_ be.” 

Five stepped forward, studying himself critically, “Actually. It _could_ be. It’s entirely possible that this is myself, but simply another version of me in the time stream. And it’s possible that we can interact safely without contracting the psychosis if my theory is correct.” 

The other Five stared at him, almost entranced as Five mirrored his posture perfectly, shoving his hands into his pockets, “I was stuck in the apocalypse for forty-five years. There’s jackshit to eat there. I had malnutrition problems out the wazoo. So it’s entirely possible that I had the _potential_ to be tall.” 

The other Five blinked with confusion as Five examined him, “Hm. My other theory is that this isn’t the me from the time stream. The reason myself and my younger but older looking self experienced paradox psychosis was because we were, quite literally, a paradox. Myself and I were the same person at different points of the timeline. We were the exact same entity, two weeks apart, trying to occupy the same space. However different we looked, we were still the same Five.” 

He glanced up at his family, noticing their confused expressions before grimacing as he addressed his alternate, “Ugh. Well at least you should follow,” he waved a hand, “You are my alternate self. We are no longer in the same time stream. Our alterations of the events in the nineteen sixties so profoundly altered the timeline and the outcomes that we are no longer the same person. Essentially, we have created for ourselves a parallel universe.” 

Vanya rubbed her forehead, “I’m… confused.” 

Five sighed, “Basically, you all fucked up the timeline so bad we no longer belong in this universe and consequently, because of the sheer amount of differences, paradox psychosis won’t affect me and this version of myself.” He paused, “Except you, Vanya, you didn’t fuck up anything.” 

Vanya brightened, Diego sputtering, “H- hey! You talked to dad too!” 

Five glared at him, “ _I_ did not try to save fucking JFK!” 

The other Five interrupted them, “Wait, wait, time travel? Is that what all that was?” 

Five paused before turning back around, “...Excuse me?”

“Time travel. I didn’t follow half of that, but that’s what it sounded like. Are you saying that one of you can time travel? Is paradox psychosis a theory?” 

Five blinked. Klaus shook his head, “Well, okay, that’s definitely not Five.” 

The other Five seemed extremely… excited about the time travel fact, “I didn’t even think about time travel. Which one of you can do that?” 

They stared at him, Five examining him with confusion. Had he made a mistake? The other Five paused, “Oh, excuse me, I forgot what time it is.” He pulled out of his pocket a small pill bottle, neatly dropping two pills into his palm and dry swallowing them, “It’s just medicine for my jitters.” 

They all reached the conclusion at the same time, which was nothing short of miraculous considering the brain power of some of the siblings. Five sucked in his breath. Vanya put a hand over her mouth, Diego hissed, “Oh, _fuck_.” 

Klaus hit Luther’s arm frantically, “That’s why he wanted us gone! Luther! Luther that’s _why_ he wanted _us_ gone!” 

Five took a cautious step back, “Um. We’ll need to make a rain check.” 

The other Five’s eyes narrowed, speaking slowly, “That makes sense. Since it is raining.” He stepped forward, peering at himself carefully, “Why-“ Five was smart. He had always been smart. Five knew this. The other Five knew this. Allison spoke carefully, watching the gears in his head turn carefully, “How are you at math, Number Five?”

The other Five shrugged, eyes still narrowed with suspicion, “It comes easily. The old man has me do some for the team. I can do lots of complicated equations, probabilities and stuff. It’s my power.” 

Their Five closed his eyes, pinching his brow between thumb and forefinger, “I’m too damn tired and too damn old for this.” 

The other Five’s lips twisted at that, brows furrowing. Five glared, feeling anger rise in him, “ _Yes_ , I’m too damn _old_ . I am fifty fucking eight and I don’t need skepticism from _myself_ out of all fucking people!” 

Luther put a hand on his shoulder worriedly, “Uh, Five, maybe we should regroup or something?” 

Allison smiled tightly at the other Five, “Yes, um, a rain check is probably best.” 

The other Five watched them carefully before nodding, “Of course. Maybe next time.” He watched them a moment more before nodding and moving back towards the door, glancing back at them. He opened the doors of the Sparrow Academy and, with one last look, vanished inside. 

Five finally shrugged Luther’s hand off, turning to snap at his brother, “I have been up straight for two fucking weeks, trying my best to save the world.” 

Allison blinked, “Wait, two weeks?” As Five continued over her, “I’ve seen my asshole boss, who’s died _twice_ now, kill my family _in front of me_ , I’ve endured _paradox_ fucking _psychosis_ , and now-“ he laughed, gesturing the doors to the academy, “Now! I find out that my father met me in the nineteen sixties and thought that I was _such_ a problem that when he readopted me, he forced me to take fucking pills to suppress my fucking powers becuase I’m too much of a fucking _liability!_ ”

Vanya winced, “Yeah, that is. Yeah.” 

Diego made a time out motion, “Wait, wait, wait, rewind, two weeks?” 

Five turned on him, “ _Two weeks!_ ” He took a breath, running a hand through his hair, “This is probably a caffeine crash.” 

Allison held out her hands, “Five, wait, do you- is your, the shrapnel wound?”

Five grimaced, “I think I might’ve popped the stitches, sorry, Allison.” 

Vanya sputtered, “Shrapnel wound?” 

Five waved a hand, “I got it from killing the Handler the first time. It was ages ago.” 

“Yeah a week, apparently!” 

Five rubbed his forehead, clearly exhausted. Allison held out her hand, “Okay. Okay, I’m going to rumor us a five star hotel room and we can stay there for a week. Then we’ll figure everything out, okay?” 

The others nodded slowly. 

Five rolled his eyes but nodded as well. 

She added, “And Luther, carry Five so that he doesn’t pop any more of his stitches.” 

Five spluttered, “Hey, wait, no!” 

Diego took the umbrella as Luther scooped Five up, who wriggled and hissed angrily before, after a moment, slumping, “Oh, fuck it. _Fine_.” 

Diego raised an eyebrow, “Wow, I can’t believe that worked.” 

Klaus added, “Yes. Let’s prepare ourselves for five star feather beds!” He added, “And little Number Five, you should prepare yourself for one long ass nap.” 

Five grumbled in his brother’s arms, but noticeably, did not teleport out of them. 

The Umbrella Academy or Team Zero as they truly were now, had more than several problems but, at least this time, they would be facing them together. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
